Post by Max Dobly on Aug 10, 2008 20:47:03 GMT
Denied;
Your application is quite short and there's errors through-out. Punctuation/Spellings mistakes. I'd appreciate it if you made a slightly bigger bio and particularly if you wanted to achieve the Corporal Rank.
~Danny
Account E-Mail: adammpayne@btinternet.com
Name:Max Dobly
Nationality:
British
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
UK
Character History:
Max dobly was born in 1915 on the twenty second of October. His family where middle class and his father had beenm in the Army but had left and his from the consciptors when the war broke out. Max was angered by his father being a cowrd so he left home with his fathers money.
He lived on the streets payuing for food with the money he had stolen until the age of twenty four when he was conscripted into the British armed forces and fought bravely in Egypt as a desert rat. After saving his commanding officer he was awarded a Military Cross.
Later when his division was sent toi Normandy on D-day he was promoted to Corporal and sent to Rehab.
Military Rank:
corporal
Writing Sample:
Bullets rippped through the sides of the plane. Max covered his ears trying to block outt the defaning screms of dieing men. He could hear the pilots shouting into their radios signalling that they were going down. Max gripped the seat as strongly as he could as the plane spiralled down towards the ground.
Max awoke at the wrecage and scanned the area for survivors it seemed that his whole company were dead. He could smeel rotting flesh in the air.
Knowing that enemy search parties would be on their wayu soon he knew he would have to retreat quickly. He leapt to his feet and sprinted as fast as he could to the cockpit. lifting one of the damaged radios he repeated five times that the mission was a failure and that he needed evacuation.
he was interrupted by a German behingd him ordering him to surrender in English. He span round and fired a shot that peirced the man's chest killing him instantly. He began sprinting towards the forest German bullets wizzing past him.
Your application is quite short and there's errors through-out. Punctuation/Spellings mistakes. I'd appreciate it if you made a slightly bigger bio and particularly if you wanted to achieve the Corporal Rank.
~Danny
Account E-Mail: adammpayne@btinternet.com
Name:Max Dobly
Nationality:
British
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
UK
Character History:
Max dobly was born in 1915 on the twenty second of October. His family where middle class and his father had beenm in the Army but had left and his from the consciptors when the war broke out. Max was angered by his father being a cowrd so he left home with his fathers money.
He lived on the streets payuing for food with the money he had stolen until the age of twenty four when he was conscripted into the British armed forces and fought bravely in Egypt as a desert rat. After saving his commanding officer he was awarded a Military Cross.
Later when his division was sent toi Normandy on D-day he was promoted to Corporal and sent to Rehab.
Military Rank:
corporal
Writing Sample:
Bullets rippped through the sides of the plane. Max covered his ears trying to block outt the defaning screms of dieing men. He could hear the pilots shouting into their radios signalling that they were going down. Max gripped the seat as strongly as he could as the plane spiralled down towards the ground.
Max awoke at the wrecage and scanned the area for survivors it seemed that his whole company were dead. He could smeel rotting flesh in the air.
Knowing that enemy search parties would be on their wayu soon he knew he would have to retreat quickly. He leapt to his feet and sprinted as fast as he could to the cockpit. lifting one of the damaged radios he repeated five times that the mission was a failure and that he needed evacuation.
he was interrupted by a German behingd him ordering him to surrender in English. He span round and fired a shot that peirced the man's chest killing him instantly. He began sprinting towards the forest German bullets wizzing past him.
