Post by David Daniels on Aug 7, 2008 16:57:28 GMT
Denied;
Your grammar & punctuation throughout have failed to show that you do not have an intemidate stature of writing skill. It is also quite short and the standard posting limit is '15' lines.
Sorry,
~Danny
Account E-Mail:Owen.Wadsdington@glantaf.cardiff.sch.uk
Name:David Daniels
Nationality:Welsh
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
British
Character History:
He was born into a middle class family on the 1st of October 1921, while his family (mother,father,brother) were on holiday in Coventry. His mother workes as a midwife and his father was a forman in a factory that created radio's.
He always wanted to join the army since a very young age, we wanted to protect his family and fight for king and country. He especialy wanted to join since his brother became a medic in the british army (royal welsh fusiliers) and he wanted to follow in his brothers footsteps.
his dream was realised when he went to the recruting office and picked up an application but he did not hand it in for some weeks since he did not know what to do.When he finally handed it in he was to become a medic .He was going to follow in his brothers footsteps so he could hopefully see him again.
Military Rank:
Medical Technichan 1st class
Writing Sample:
He was feeling horrendesly scared and very jitery.He started to crawl very slowly and quiatly towards the forest. Then a bomb blew nearby and that gave him the cover he required to make a run for it .By the time he got to the forest he was red in the face and by the time the dirt had settled he was already moving slopwly but surely under the cover of the trees towards the allied front line.
He was maving at a decent pace but he heard groning he went to the source of the noise and he found a man lying on the floor with his hand full of blood over the whole near his kidney.David stooped to look at the man he got out his medical bag and got to work.In five munites he had stopped the bleeding and given him morfin and then left him there and travelled back to his allies.
Your grammar & punctuation throughout have failed to show that you do not have an intemidate stature of writing skill. It is also quite short and the standard posting limit is '15' lines.
Sorry,
~Danny
Account E-Mail:Owen.Wadsdington@glantaf.cardiff.sch.uk
Name:David Daniels
Nationality:Welsh
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
British
Character History:
He was born into a middle class family on the 1st of October 1921, while his family (mother,father,brother) were on holiday in Coventry. His mother workes as a midwife and his father was a forman in a factory that created radio's.
He always wanted to join the army since a very young age, we wanted to protect his family and fight for king and country. He especialy wanted to join since his brother became a medic in the british army (royal welsh fusiliers) and he wanted to follow in his brothers footsteps.
his dream was realised when he went to the recruting office and picked up an application but he did not hand it in for some weeks since he did not know what to do.When he finally handed it in he was to become a medic .He was going to follow in his brothers footsteps so he could hopefully see him again.
Military Rank:
Medical Technichan 1st class
Writing Sample:
He was feeling horrendesly scared and very jitery.He started to crawl very slowly and quiatly towards the forest. Then a bomb blew nearby and that gave him the cover he required to make a run for it .By the time he got to the forest he was red in the face and by the time the dirt had settled he was already moving slopwly but surely under the cover of the trees towards the allied front line.
He was maving at a decent pace but he heard groning he went to the source of the noise and he found a man lying on the floor with his hand full of blood over the whole near his kidney.David stooped to look at the man he got out his medical bag and got to work.In five munites he had stopped the bleeding and given him morfin and then left him there and travelled back to his allies.