iron. (nikolai)

[Ivana Dimionva Kuznetsova]

His story began to bore holes into her, she could not relate to what he experienced or what his eyes laid witness to- she could only hold the luxury of imagining. The only information that held any weight on her soul was the boy; not by the same matter of warfare, but by how lonely the name hollowed out. Just like her. 

Ivana only heard stories of brute raids on humanity, her senses never tried to commit suicide. Deep down there was some type of unseeded anger, if it can be called that. It was something that brought reality down from its high. The spy can only talk about close calls and the glamorous ritz of privileged occupied zones, never the ghettos or the crimson wine slipping through the cracks of the cobblestone streets. Thankfully her mind was distracted by the blossoming love and passion interlaced through kisses and short talk about the optimistic future, Ivana refused to allow her mind to slip into the dormant coma. 

"Well that did not take long. I thought you spies were hard to convince."

His laugh, it was a rare type of warmness; like it was something that anyone very seldom had the privilege to witness. Just how Nikolai was so open to a woman he only met a day or two ago seemed to amaze her; but that was how love worked, it was strange. With a few more kisses and more giggles the spy wanted to draw out this moment as long as she could.

"Oh really? Now where did you hear that?"

Her features played upon an exaggerated, playful shock. As another small laugh escaped for a second more before her soft lips placed one more peck on her lover's. 
The slipping of metal from around her neck gave remembrance of the necklace the old woman graced upon her hours ago. Ivana placed the wooden pendant in between her soft fingertips, feeling the smooth texture of simplicity but of something else. 

"Who gave it to you, tsvetok. Someone important I'm sure? What is inside?"

For a few more moments of drawn silence, Ivana studied the oblong pendant. 

I have no idea, it was an old lady back at the motel. I guess we should find out together."

She braced a warm smile before placing a small kiss on Nikolai's cold nose. The chill of the room finally began to settle upon her exposed back, even though blankets provided modesty the wisps of the infamous Siberian winter still waltzed through tiny cracks of neglect in the bedroom. His warm hand running against her pale almond forearm did bring forth extra heat, he was just so thoughtful to her. Without further hesitation her fingers and eyes searched from some kind of opening, some type of latch of divot to signify of a hidden treasure of some sorts; but there was none.

With a disappointed sigh, Ivana allowed the necklace to slack in her hands. Her deep hazels noticed the curious blues of Nikolai's, with a small smile she laid her head on his chest, letting her ear hear his heartbeat- a sound she prayed would continue through the unknown months of war.

"I do not want to go to sleep- I don't want to miss any more hours out of your embrace."

It was true, yet soft. It was a deep fear of tomorrow's part. Just the thought left a sharp dullness in her soul, nearly birthing the lump back in her throat. She looked outside to see the moon bright and bold through the dusty window, if only time would slow down.

[Nikolai Boryenko]

"Oh really? Now where did you hear that?"

Nikolai let himself give a boyish smirk as he saw the look on her face. It caught him slightly off guard and he laughed. He thought it amazing that she could make him laugh just by changing her facial expression. Once he collected himself again, he spoke with a mock thoughtful tone.

"I have worked with a few before. They always seemed to be...stubborn."

The touch of her soft lips touched his and he let the warmth move through him once again. He then felt the small piece of wood touch his chest. His lover's slender fingers picked it up and started to work on the confusing small piece. He raised an eyebrow as he saw the odd thing in between her fingers.

"Who gave it to you, tsvetok. Someone important I'm sure? What is inside?"

There was a brief moment of silence before her soft voice broke the silence.

"I have no idea, it was an old lady back at the motel. I guess we should find out together."

Nikolai smiled and responded softly.

"Sounds good to me."

She then placed a soft kiss on Nikolai's cold nose. Nikolai closed his eyes when she placed the kiss. It was an out of the ordinary gesture, but Nikolai liked it. He welcomed it fully. He opened his eyes and saw her fingers working on the small wooden treasure. He felt her cold skin and ran his hand up and down it quickly to warn away the cold. Her fingers then found a small opening. She opened the piece and there was nothing. She then sighed and laid her head back on Nikolai's chest. Her warmth made him feel right.

"I do not want to go to sleep- I don't want to miss any more hours out of your embrace."

Her words touched Nikolai's heart. He felt the same way. He did not want to miss another second with her or lose another minute to sleep. He stroked her hair lightly and let his finger outline her face softly.

"Then we don't have to sleep, my love. We could do whatever you want."

He looked at the ceiling with a thoughtful look on his face. He was thinking about what the two could do together. He wanted to do something special for her, but there was not much that he knew of what to do. His mind wandered and searched for something he could do for her to show her how much she meant to him.

"We could honestly do whatever you'd like to, my love. I think that locket was given to you empty for a reason." He said with a smile and looked into her perfect hazel eyes. He always lost himself momentarily in her eyes. He could look into them for hours.

He then had an idea. Perhaps he could write a letter or a note to her once sleep had taken her. God knew that Nikolai barely slept. His night terrors normally kept him up majority of the night and made him stay awake long after they had retired from his mind. He was not sure if any of his words would console her or even truly mean anything to her, but he thought it would be worth a try. It was their last night together, after all.

"Let's burn off the rest of the daylight together. Let's not speak of what tomorrow hold. How about we talk about something even brighter. Perhaps, the further future?"

He smiled at her then looked at his watch. The time read 18:13. Perhaps a little bit more. He figured they could lay there and talk for a long while.

[Ivana Dimionva Kuznetsova]

"I have worked with a few before. They always seemed to be...stubborn."

A small chuckled huff parted, she had a feeling that her unconventional ways caught Nikolai off guard, well it was good to her that out of her quirkiness there was an impression. It was true that spies were supposed to be hardened spines that were unfazed by the spinning world around them, but this man was different- she dared her lips to part the famous lines, 'I love you' and actually mean it with all of her heart. She knew that this situation was not supposed to happen, in most cases she was supposed to remain stone-faced and make a swift transaction before disappearing into the shadows; not make love and twirl ideals of future pleasantries with her mole. Well that was what made this mission memorable, the first mole she fell in love with. Ivana knew that her children will inquire about their love, how they met, and with a soft smile on her lips she would gladly tell her story while reliving the scenes over in her aging mind.
The disappointment was brief, despite opening the locket to find nothing, there was something whispering that it was a deceiving tinkerer. Perhaps at a later time the curiosity would sprout forth again, maybe yes. As she laid on his warm torso, the previous feelings of security crept up along with the biting chill. It was the truth that sleep was feared, Ivana feared closing her eyes now and waking up the next day with looming departure- if she could she would pause the night, but only a higher being could do that. Her soft words clung onto the emotion, hoping that he would react coherently. The contrast of his fingers caressed her chilled, brunette locks and the softness of her flesh, a feeling that brought warmth within without the aid of any blanket.

"Then we don't have to sleep, my love. We could do whatever you want. Stay here the rest of the evening into the night or we could go out and find somewhere to spend some time together."

A childish smile graced her lips, how he made her feel like a little girl experiencing the innocence of a childhood heart, it was a refreshing emotion that made her forget about war, if only for a moment. 

"We could honestly do whatever you'd like to, my love. I think that locket was given to you empty for a reason."

She laughed at the thought, finding his gaze once more; it became a pastime to her, something enjoyable that would remain in her memory until they can find their arms once more. 

"I do wish I knew what we could do, and I guess so- but I know there is something in there."

A hint of optimism laced her words, well more so curiosity. 

"Let's burn off the rest of the daylight together. Let's not speak of what tomorrow hold. How about we talk about something even brighter. Perhaps, the further future?"

Up all night? He took her words to heart and literally. Ivana did not expect Nikolai to propose such an idea, but it was an exciting one nonetheless. 

"Hmm, sounds interesting- hard for me to say no to you."

With another smile, an idea bubbled in her mind, he may push the idea away but it is worth a try nonetheless.

"Before we do, bathe with me."

It was a silent request, but something that she desired. Ivana added little smile to sweeten up the proposition, and then got up from the bed, making her way to the conjoined bathroom, looking back beckoning for his company.

*

Ivana tended her slender fingers in her long hair, using the help of a comb she packed to loosen the pesky ends. The spy sat herself at the foot of the messy bed, sporting a long-sleeved shirt and some fitted blank pants. It was drastically simple than the outfit she came into town with, but it was more comfortable on her body. 

"I found some clothes for you, I hope they fit."

Her soft voice spoke as she continued combing her hair, humming a folk song to keep her thoughts busy. While searching for he clothes, she found some male outfits from previous owners, it was a common curtsey that some spies adapted to, leaving behind some articles of clean clothes for the next person. 

"About the future, beyond what we see... what did you have in mind?"

Her voice questioned, her thoughts tracing back all of the ideals they shared about their future, what may come what they desired.

"What else do you want to know?"

She casted her hazel's on his scruffy face, drinking in where features started and stopped, the finer details that most would not care to glance upon.

[Nikolai Boryenko]

"Hmm, sounds interesting- hard for me to say no to you."

He let a little smile touch his lips as she spoke. It seemed that his influence over this young woman held a great deal of weight. It was not that he intended to change her, but spend the final few hours together with her awake and as sober as he could possibly be. His mind drifted back to their previous residence, when Nikolai had gone to talk to Fyodor. When he came back, found her sitting next to the desk where his journal lay.

His eyes then spied a devious looking smile on his lover's face as what looked like an idea formed in her brain. Nikolai was eager to hear it.

"Before we do, bathe with me."

Nikolai heard her words and smirked. He found it to be a very pleasant idea. His eyes followed her slender frame as she made her way to the bathroom. Before she entered, her eyes beckoned to him as she looked over her shoulder with an alluring smile. How could he refuse such a look? Her eyes alone broke his will and the beautiful smile drove him to be with her. He started to stand as she looked at him. As soon as her eyes were off of him, he picked at his journal and thumbed through it quickly. It did not take long to find the piece of paper with neat handwriting on it. He skimmed quickly.

Dear Nikolai,
I am so glad that I met you; you have truly changed my life in so many ways in these hours that we have known one another. It truly pains me that we have to part so soon, but I am praying that we will find each other’s warm embrace when this war is all over. I would be counting the days until that could become a reality, the hours where I could look into your wonderful eyes once more, the endless seconds that I will spend by your side. Those are one of the few dreams I have held close to me, the others were on what you spoke about with your place of home. I want to visit there one day; the Moscow scenery depresses me from time to time. Nature was something that I could connect with, a place of refuge where my thoughts could run free, a place where I would want our children to feel connected to.

Yes, our children- I hope you feel the same way about this thought. It was a desire of mine to have three, but I don’t know where you stand though. I will dream about you every night, holding onto every memory I spent with you; I just have one wish until we meet again, dream of me.

Yours forever,

Ivana Dimionva Kuznetsov

He read through it quickly as to not keep his lover waiting, but he saw almost every word and comprehended the majority of it. Without another heartbeat, he got out of the bed where he sat and followed her. He made his way behind her with a wide grin and gave her a light kiss on the neck as he held her. He then let his prickly chin rest on her shoulder.

"Whatever you wish, my darling. I do smell quite terrible." He said smoothly and jokingly while he nuzzled her neck softly with his lips and chin.

***

He walked out of the bathroom and spotted Ivana at the end of the bed. He smiled as he saw her working diligently.

"I found some clothes for you, I hope they fit."

He walked over to the clothes that he had laid out for him. People did not do this sort of courtesy. He had not experienced it since he was a very young boy and his mother laid out his clothes for him for the next day. It touched Nikolai a little more than it would anyone else and for reasons he did not really know.

"Thank you, Ivana. That was very thoughtful of you." His words did not patronize her deeds. He was being genuine in what he said. He appreciated the small gesture of kindness. It gave him just a little more of a reason to love her.

"About the future, beyond what we see... what did you have in mind?"

Nikolai paused and thought for a second. He pulled the pants that she had laid out for him on as she spoke and he let the words run around in his mind for a moment. He then took a seat next to Ivana and clasped his hands together. She questioned on.

"What else do you want to know?"

He felt her eyes on his features. It made him feel comfortable, yet on the spot. He looked down at the floor, then over to the opposite side of the room.

"Where do you see yourself in ten...perhaps fifteen years, Ivana?"

He was curious and jumped at the opportunity to let her name fall from his lips. It was an open ended question that seemed easy to answer, yet very complex. He knew she had given somewhat of a summary of what she wanted to do, but he wanted to learn of her near future dreams with more detail. He was hoping she could paint him a picture of what her life will be like. He knew that his life would perhaps be cut short any day, so he wanted to live in these moments to the fullest. Exploring the beautiful mind of his lover and finding out what kind of a person she truly was. His eyes looked at the floor once again then met her gaze. He was stunned for a second by her sheer beauty, just as he had been a few days prior. It was harder for him to keep his heart from beating faster when his eyes met hers. He liked the feeling, in all honesty. He embraced the physical feelings he felt when he looked upon her features and heard her words.

[Ivana Dimionva Kuznetsova]

The cold kisses left tiny goosbumps on her skin, it was the greeting from the chilled bedroom on her exposed frame but the feeling was soon replaced by the warmth of her lover embracing her from behind, placing a soft kiss on the nape of her neck, nuzzling his scruffy chin onto her shoulder. 

"Whatever you wish, my darling. I do smell quite terrible."

The gesture kind of caught the Russian spy off guard, but his unpredictable banter and quirky mannerisms are the tiny parts that filled Ivana was excitement each fleeting moment they spent with one another. A small laugh escaped from between her chapped lips.

"Aye you do, when was the last time you bathed?"

She made her attempt of witty sarcasm, it was a trait that seemed to have been refined as she grew older. A tickled laugh escaped into the air, she patted his forearm before breaking from him embrace, her soft fingers finding his rougher hand, leading him deeper into the bathroom.

*

She emerged from the sweet smelling humidity first, sporting simple yet comfortable clothes. Her fingers found refuge in her long, tangled locks before a comb chewed through the knobs. For a few seconds she paused her attraction to taming her hair and looked for some fresher clothes for Nikolai. It took some soul searching, but hanging neatly in the corner or the rickety wardrobe were a pressed shirt and pants. It was a thoughtful action that she felt the impulse to do, didn't take too much hesitation. Once the neater fabrics were laid out on the messy sheets of the previous rendezvous, Ivana once again picked up her comb and straightened out her hair. The creak of the bathroom door spoke of Nikolai's presence, a small smile painted on her lips while her heart picked up the tempo a bit. Just his presence now brings forth a buried joy, an emotion that never existed a few days ago. 

Thank you, Ivana. That was very thoughtful of you."

A larger smile graced her lips as she finished out with the last few pesky knots. 

"You're welcome."

The smile still married her lips while a slight prick formed on her cheeks, just the way he says her name makes her feel like an individual, a special individual to be fair. Her hazel eyes searched for his face, giving him her undivided attention as her thoughts pondered on the previous thoughts, the future- not tomorrow but after the war- if it will ever end.

"Where do you see yourself in ten...perhaps fifteen years, Ivana?"

His question caused her mind to thread upon remote territory, never had she thought that far into the future, maybe when she was the privileged girl back in Moscow, but that was years ago. A small sigh escaped as the smile long faded, her swim in thoughts was apparent on her face.

"Honestly Nikolai, I never thought that far until we really got to know each other deeper. But, with the words we exchanged so far about our desires, I think that in ten years I would be truly happy, surrounded by the man I truly love with the company of our offspring. To peruse a dream that I abandoned, to teach others." 

She was truthful about her words, picking the ripest of them all. A thoughtful glimmer shone in her eyes once she talked about the man she truly loved, and the children she desired to have. A few days ago the spy would scoff at that context, but continue to live her life in a lonely spiral. 

"I finally understand the meaning of my name, perhaps my mother believed that I would be a gift to someone."

Warmness filled her tongue as she leaned over, draping her hand on the smoother cheek of Nikolai, catching the brilliant blues that aided in his handsomeness. She caressed her thumb on his chiseled cheek, taking in this moment in bulk. 

"What about you volk, what is it you desire in the future."

She was now curious to know what was flowing through his mind, even if he believed it sounded silly she wanted to hear it.

[Nikolai Boryenko]

Her hesitation made his eyes light up a little. He was able to keep her on her toes, he thought that was good. She had done the same earlier and that meant the two were a good match. He had known it from the beginning, but the knowledge of one keeping the other guessing made him feel better about them. Nikolai had lived a generally serious life and it felt good to act like a boy again. It had been long since he had acted as an adolescent like he could with Ivana.

A small laugh escaped from her lips and greeted Nikolai's ears. He loved her laugh. It was encouraging and made his heart leap with a kick of joy. He listened to her response, keeping his ears open for the return of jokes that she was so keen on doing.

"Aye you do, when was the last time you bathed?"

Nikolai pulled from her and in a mock look of pain held his heart. His face contorted in obvious playfull anguish.

"My dear! That was hurtful."

He then laughed and continued speaking.

"I'd guess sometime before Stalingrad."

He then smiled with no flashbacks of the memory and let his fingers intertwine with hers and lead them deeper into the warmth.

***

"You're welcome."

The way she looked at him when they were talking made him feel like he was wanted. Her eyes were focused on him and nothing else. He loved the way she looked at him. He was completely enamored by her stare. He felt as if she felt the same way when he looked at her. Perhaps she did.

His question was simple, yet complex. It made one think past the present and into the uncertain and hazy future that no one could begin to guess; but only plan, hope, and even gamble a little. He suspected she would catch on and her face told him everything. She was thinking hard and that made Nikolai anxious as to what she would say. Instead of prodding any, he just sat there and held his peace. He wanted to hear what she believed could happen.

"Honestly Nikolai, I never thought that far until we really got to know each other deeper. But, with the words we exchanged so far about our desires, I think that in ten years I would be truly happy, surrounded by the man I truly love with the company of our offspring. To peruse a dream that I abandoned, to teach others."

His mind took in each word. Hanging onto them as if they were the last words she would speak to him. He looked at the floor near his feet and smiled when she went into detail about her happiness and being with him. He ran his hand over his chin and let the words hang in the air. He did not want to ruin the moment.

"I finally understand the meaning of my name, perhaps my mother believed that I would be a gift to someone."

His hand wandered to find her thigh. He looked at his hand and then into her eyes. His tone was serious, yet genuine when he spoke. His voice was also filled with something else, something light and happy that made his words break the silence with an air of comfort.

"You are a gift from God to your mother and father, they both knew that. I am just thankful He sent you my way. You have given me a new hope and a new future."

His words were few, but he knew they would get his point across. He was not a poet by any means. He was a soldier and a man that said what he meant and did not hold back his feelings. Especially now of all times. Her hand touched his face lightly and he turned his head and held her hand and kissed it softly. He then caught her eyes and could not break from them. He was frozen for a second in time. Taking in the full beauty of his lover.

"What about you volk, what is it you desire in the future.

He snapped out of the short daze and blinked once or twice with her hand still in his grasp. He looked down to where he held her hand and rubbed it lightly with his thumb. His rough hand was a complete contrast from her soft, tender hand. They were cold; he held them a little tighter to kill the coldness with the warmth that radiated from his tools of destruction.

"I see myself lying under the stars on a warm summer night, next to you and our little demony. That's all I want, Ivana. A lifetime with you and the children we will raise."

He had used the terms that his mother had used to describe her children when they were young. It was the plural of the word, so he was implying that they would have more than one child. The word was used as demons, but his mother meant it in a loving way...most of the time. Nikolai smiled at the memory when he said the word, but then became serious once more when he spoke of Ivana. This was where he saw himself in ten years if he made it that far. Each word Ivana spoke made him hope for life more than anything. He desired to live through the war just so he could experience the rest of his life with this woman that sat next to him.

A short moment of silence filled the air as his mind worked. It drifted to what she had accomplished. Missions she had completed and what she had done for her country.

"Will you work with them again? The Fascists?"

Nikolai held no judgement; of her or the Nazis. He had given up on hating them. It was driving him insane to fill his heart with so much rage. After what he had witnessed at Stalingrad from both sides, he realized they were both equally despicable and respectable. He really wanted to inquire to see if she would be in any type of danger in the future. If she was running books to other countrymen, he expected her big missions were over, but he knew little about the world of espionage. He just wanted her to be safe; especially if he knew there was a good chance he would not.

[Ivana Dimionva Kuznetsova]

"You are a gift from God to your mother and father, they both knew that. I am just thankful He sent you my way. You have given me a new hope and a new future."

She could not help but to smile as her fingers continued to work through the damp locks of hair. The warmth of a blush heated the spy's cheeks as she was simply enamored by what Nikolai expressed. Truthfully it was honoring to find such a man, with so much upon his shoulders, to surrender such intimacy that most would never get to see.

"Nikolai... I..."

Those were the only words that were able to escape from her lips as she removed her hand from her hair and caressed his face. The small kiss was warming and sincere. The embrace of her hand lingered as she felt the soft touches sweep over the soft skin; her gaze remained unwavering as she remained lost in his eyes. It seemed as if all of her responsibilities dissolved away. This moment felt suspended in time, taking her to a place where war did not exist. It would not be until breaths of moments later that her question about what he saw in his future was answered.

"I see myself lying under the stars on a warm summer night, next to you and our little demony. That's all I want, Ivana. A lifetime with you and the children we will raise."

Demony. Ivana could not help but to laugh as she felt tickled that her lover chose that word. Of course it was used ironically but still there were multiple fears ranging from never seeing the end of the bloodshed to never watching her children grow up. Alas her mother did die from childbirth, perhaps that was only a curse for her mother rather than something that she would have to bare. Aside from the peaks of her worries Ivana's ear did pick up on the plural form of the word. 'Ah so he wants more than one then'. Removing her hand from his grasp, she playfully tapped her chin as she cocked her head to the side slightly, keeping the gaze.

"Hmm, I sense you want more than one then?"

She tried to suppress the giggle that welled in her belly. It was simply entertaining to mess with the man, he was an easy target. Ivana was an opportunist so these open moments were perfect for some banter.

The smile faded from her lips as a more solemn expression filled her eyes upon hearing that dreaded question.

"Will you work with them again? The Fascists?"

A deep sigh escaped her lungs as she wrapped her arms around her waist. She began to pace around in a small pattern of a contained circle. Her mind began to work as her escape from any responsibilities in the future came crashing back.

"Yes. For as long as this war continues on-"

She paused and returned back to Nikolai, placing her hand on his chest and resting her head nearby. Her voice lowered to a whisper as she tried to fight the tears that threatened to fall.

"But with each passing moment I will always think about you... Remember this moment, the best days of my life."

She did not want to leave him behind, did not want to part ways. She knew that he was a well-known sniper, the dangers of the frontlines. The stories of men and women who never breathed another breath. Ivana did not want to think about perhaps never seeing her lover past this point. She moved her hand into an embrace around the sniper, nearly burying her face on his chest in attempts to hide her tears.

"I don't want to leave you..."

---

ooc; wow i'm sorry for my really late reply, i hope this is alright. let me know if you want to change anything.