Post by Arley Voegeli on Dec 15, 2007 20:15:41 GMT
Accepted; But on certain terms.
Your bio/writing style still acquires much alterations, from use of paragraphs, punctuation (that you have clearly improved) and various other minor adjustments.
I'm willing to give you a chance and help you progress on the board, hopefully you'll improve and provide some fun RP for everyone.
Welcome to the board, thanks for giving your bio another shot.
~Danny
Name: Arley Voegeli
Nationality:German
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
Nazi/German Army
Character History:
Arley was born in Kiel, His mother died in child birth so his father raised him. Before Hitler took over Arley didnt go to school, His father taught him everything how to read, write, shoot (hes a sniper), Fight, Drive. His father was a soldier. When Hitler took over Arley was 18 and he enlisted.
Military Rank:
Hauptgefreiter
Writing Sample:
Scenario: You’re alone behind enemy lines and you get the eerie feeling someone’s watching you. You’re trying to remain quiet, stay low, work your way back to the frontlines - but you can’t help but feel you’re being followed… (How does your character React? What’s running through their mind?) (Lets say hes in a cave and theres a ledge that the americans are coming through.)
Arley has the feeling that someone is watching him and he doesnt like the feeling, he does what hes told and stays down, and did what his father taught him keep your head down, Arley found a good hiding spot by a rock that could protect him from sniper fire. He looked around him and saw no one, he hopped up and ran to the rock Bang! The shot missed him, and he ran to the rock and lied himself down and saw the sniper move. Not smart, for the sniper, Arley turned around and found the sniper he shot him in the head with his rifle, he fell off the ledge, Arley quickly reloaded and another one came he shot him in the leg, he fell off the ledge and broke his neck. Arley heard more coming possibly more than he could handle. Arley got up out of his hiding spot and walked over to the American that broke his neck and took some grenades out of his pack. There was really nothing Arley could do because he was about 5 miles away from his camp. The Americans came to the ledge the was about 5 of them, Arley ran to his hiding spot. "did you hear that?" said on of them "No, Jake your hearing things" said another "So i heard foot steps, maybe someones in here" suddenly a grenade blew up in front of them they scattered. Arley peeked his head out, one caught eyes with him as he lobbed another grenade. They all were hit 4 died one was injured badly. Arley climbed to the ledge and walked to the wounded solider and pulled out his luger (pistol) and aimed for his head "Please, dont kill me!" he screamed "Why should I let you live?" Arley asked "I have kids man and a wife!" He started to cry, Arley looked at him he was telling the truth he could trust him, but Arley took all his weapons off him. "Can you walk" Arley asked "Barley" said the soldier. They both climbed down and made the 5 mile trek and got back to the camp. This camp was full of decent people the wouldnt torture or kill the American.
(That better?)
Your bio/writing style still acquires much alterations, from use of paragraphs, punctuation (that you have clearly improved) and various other minor adjustments.
I'm willing to give you a chance and help you progress on the board, hopefully you'll improve and provide some fun RP for everyone.
Welcome to the board, thanks for giving your bio another shot.
~Danny
Name: Arley Voegeli
Nationality:German
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
Nazi/German Army
Character History:
Arley was born in Kiel, His mother died in child birth so his father raised him. Before Hitler took over Arley didnt go to school, His father taught him everything how to read, write, shoot (hes a sniper), Fight, Drive. His father was a soldier. When Hitler took over Arley was 18 and he enlisted.
Military Rank:
Hauptgefreiter
Writing Sample:
Scenario: You’re alone behind enemy lines and you get the eerie feeling someone’s watching you. You’re trying to remain quiet, stay low, work your way back to the frontlines - but you can’t help but feel you’re being followed… (How does your character React? What’s running through their mind?) (Lets say hes in a cave and theres a ledge that the americans are coming through.)
Arley has the feeling that someone is watching him and he doesnt like the feeling, he does what hes told and stays down, and did what his father taught him keep your head down, Arley found a good hiding spot by a rock that could protect him from sniper fire. He looked around him and saw no one, he hopped up and ran to the rock Bang! The shot missed him, and he ran to the rock and lied himself down and saw the sniper move. Not smart, for the sniper, Arley turned around and found the sniper he shot him in the head with his rifle, he fell off the ledge, Arley quickly reloaded and another one came he shot him in the leg, he fell off the ledge and broke his neck. Arley heard more coming possibly more than he could handle. Arley got up out of his hiding spot and walked over to the American that broke his neck and took some grenades out of his pack. There was really nothing Arley could do because he was about 5 miles away from his camp. The Americans came to the ledge the was about 5 of them, Arley ran to his hiding spot. "did you hear that?" said on of them "No, Jake your hearing things" said another "So i heard foot steps, maybe someones in here" suddenly a grenade blew up in front of them they scattered. Arley peeked his head out, one caught eyes with him as he lobbed another grenade. They all were hit 4 died one was injured badly. Arley climbed to the ledge and walked to the wounded solider and pulled out his luger (pistol) and aimed for his head "Please, dont kill me!" he screamed "Why should I let you live?" Arley asked "I have kids man and a wife!" He started to cry, Arley looked at him he was telling the truth he could trust him, but Arley took all his weapons off him. "Can you walk" Arley asked "Barley" said the soldier. They both climbed down and made the 5 mile trek and got back to the camp. This camp was full of decent people the wouldnt torture or kill the American.
(That better?)