Post by Kenni on Dec 10, 2008 2:39:56 GMT
I'm afraid I can't accept this account for the following reasons:
The History is too short and you have changed your name to 'Tommy' half way through it?
The Writing sample is writted in first person (We write in 3rd person on this site) and you also switch the tenses in the sample. Feel free to post another edited version of this App.
~Dan
Account E-Mail: gunfightkenni@hotmail.com
Name:
Benny Campagna
Nationality:
American- Italian heritage
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
US Army
Character History:
Benjamin Angelo Campagna was born on June 5th 1923 in the Brooklyn, New York. After signing up for the Army Tommy completed basic training the top of his unit. Along with being squad leader Tommy managed to be promoted to Private First Class.
Once he finished Basic he went on to be a paratrooper. This was a very tough training but Tommy liked the challenge. After what seemed to be a lifetime of training, Tommy received a promotion to Corporal and his jump wings.
Military Rank:
Corporal
Writing Sample:
Scenario: Darkness surrounds me as I kiss the dirt slowly crawling towards what I hope is the front lines. *crack* I freeze as I hear the sound of a twig breaking near me. I couldn't tell in which direction it was. All I knew is that I wasn't alone. My heart is pounding as I lift my head and see light.
I had missed my jump by who knows how far and I couldn't find the rest of my company. I held my breath and slowly got on my knees, I reached around and pulled up my Thompson. Slowly exhaled as I moved forward, still feeling that I'm not alone. I moved towards the light going faster. Bullets started to come towards me and I quickly hit the dirt. " THUNDER!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. The bullets ceased. " Flash" I heard back and I peeked up and saw two troopers from my company. Finally I wasn't alone anymore.
Note:
I understand and see the set up that you have here but I was wondering if I had to draw out everything. I just want to rp not paint pictures.
The History is too short and you have changed your name to 'Tommy' half way through it?
The Writing sample is writted in first person (We write in 3rd person on this site) and you also switch the tenses in the sample. Feel free to post another edited version of this App.
~Dan
Account E-Mail: gunfightkenni@hotmail.com
Name:
Benny Campagna
Nationality:
American- Italian heritage
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
US Army
Character History:
Benjamin Angelo Campagna was born on June 5th 1923 in the Brooklyn, New York. After signing up for the Army Tommy completed basic training the top of his unit. Along with being squad leader Tommy managed to be promoted to Private First Class.
Once he finished Basic he went on to be a paratrooper. This was a very tough training but Tommy liked the challenge. After what seemed to be a lifetime of training, Tommy received a promotion to Corporal and his jump wings.
Military Rank:
Corporal
Writing Sample:
Scenario: Darkness surrounds me as I kiss the dirt slowly crawling towards what I hope is the front lines. *crack* I freeze as I hear the sound of a twig breaking near me. I couldn't tell in which direction it was. All I knew is that I wasn't alone. My heart is pounding as I lift my head and see light.
I had missed my jump by who knows how far and I couldn't find the rest of my company. I held my breath and slowly got on my knees, I reached around and pulled up my Thompson. Slowly exhaled as I moved forward, still feeling that I'm not alone. I moved towards the light going faster. Bullets started to come towards me and I quickly hit the dirt. " THUNDER!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. The bullets ceased. " Flash" I heard back and I peeked up and saw two troopers from my company. Finally I wasn't alone anymore.
Note:
I understand and see the set up that you have here but I was wondering if I had to draw out everything. I just want to rp not paint pictures.
