Post by S.SGT David Bevan on Oct 14, 2008 18:20:27 GMT
Accepted!
Find it odd you say you was promoted to Captain in your bio, when you applied for a Lieutenant rank.
The history was brief, short.
The writing sample was alright, loads of short sentences; Lack of commas.
We all love you David, but the best I can offer you is a Second-Lieutenant rank; Your App' just wanted that long or detailed.
~Danny[/i]
OOC: As you can see by me posting this it's another account for me!
Account E-Mail: (This is needed to validate your account)
Name: Aiden Jacka
Nationality: Canadian
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
UK
Character History:
Aiden Jacka was born to a poor lower class family on the eighth of December 1915. He was brought up in the small remote village of Littlehampton. His father hunted game for a living while his mother stayed home to tend to the housework.
Aiden attended a tiny school which consisted of only eleven pupils all ages were crammed into one class. Despite these disadvantages Aiden turned out to be a greatly intellectual student. He excelled in all academic subjects especially English which was his favorite. He always dreamed of visiting other nations of the British Empire.
When aiden reached the age of ten his father began to teach him the art of being a good hunter and how to fire a rifle accurately. This proved to be another skill of his and he soon began helping his father with his work.
At the the age of eighteen and was ready to leave school. He chose to travel to Britain where he could receive a better education. Aiden soon achieved a scholarship and attended Cambridge university. He continued to perform well in school and decided he become a lawyer.
One day when Aiden was passed by a Military convoy an idea that seemed so obvious came to him. If he wanted to see the Commonwealth the army was the occupation for him. Aiden left the University and enlisted as a Lieutenant. He joined the Anglo-Indian army and was tasked with leading a company of Indian recruits.
He was soon drafted to India where he fought valiantly and proved to be an accomplished commander. He won a military medal for successfully fighting off a rebellion in Deli and saving the life of his Commanding Officer.
With the outbreak of the Second World war Jacka was transfered to the Argylls of Canada division. He played a major role in many operations and soon rose to the rank of Captain.
He led his company bravely against a well dug in enemy at Juno beach on D-Day. Despite being severely wounded Aiden pushed on and his courage inspired many of his men to great feats of bravery.
Jacka later saw action in Villers Bocage. His final action was fought at mount Ormel where Canadian infantry and Polish tank crews desperately held their ground against overwhelming odds.
Military Rank!
Lieutenant
Writing Sample
Aiden regained consciousness. He coughed like an old smoker and his chest heaved trying desperately to take in more air. His body was littered with small scars and bruises making him look like a living corpse. He slowly peered out from the shell hole, his weak eyes scanned the area for signs of life, but there was nothing. No movement only the huge clouds of dust that glided along the barren wasteland. The corpses of his comrades littered the ground before him their bodies cut to pieces by the fury of the explosion. He sighted the crumbling ruins where once a great city stood, completely deserted. The mud beneath him was wet and slippery and had been stained black by the ash that fell from the sky. Aiden could see the sun setting on the horizon and the light was fading fast.
Aiden noticed his commander lying limply beside him. He crawled over at a painfully slow speed, every muscle in his body ached like they had never ached before. A waterfall of blood cascaded down from his right leg. He stopped to examine the wound. Aiden looked down to the wound a piece shrapnel lay embedded in the skin. He lacked sufficient medical knowledge to correctly extract the shrapnel so he pulled at the shrapnel with all his strength only to add to the injury. More red liquid spurted out of the gaping hole in his flesh.
Aiden quickly ripped off two thin strips of his uniform and tied them tightly around the wound in his leg. As he did this he grunted loudly and whimpered a little. He continued on his way over to where his commanding officer lay.
“Major” he whispered, there was a long awkward silence before the body’s eye suddenly opened.
“Captain. I have failed. My men are dead and I am finished. Kill me Aiden. Kill me replied the Major weakly, he coughed loudly due to his lungs being choked by the dense smoke.
Aiden looked down at the shattered man, his lower half lay buried in mud meters away and he was obviously in immense pain. His right eye was no more. In its place there was a bloody hole. Aiden decided death was best for him. He glanced to his side where his rifle rested but it had been snapped in half like a mere twig. He reached into the Captains holster and withdrew a Webley Revolver. Aiden drew back the firing hammer and hesitated. He suddenly pulled the trigger ending the man’s life.
A tear rolled down Aiden’s cheek knowing he would never see his friend again. A great man had died on that field, that day. Aiden promised himself he would return to give his comrades the proper burial they deserved.
Find it odd you say you was promoted to Captain in your bio, when you applied for a Lieutenant rank.
The history was brief, short.
The writing sample was alright, loads of short sentences; Lack of commas.
We all love you David, but the best I can offer you is a Second-Lieutenant rank; Your App' just wanted that long or detailed.
~Danny[/i]
OOC: As you can see by me posting this it's another account for me!
Account E-Mail: (This is needed to validate your account)
Name: Aiden Jacka
Nationality: Canadian
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
UK
Character History:
Aiden Jacka was born to a poor lower class family on the eighth of December 1915. He was brought up in the small remote village of Littlehampton. His father hunted game for a living while his mother stayed home to tend to the housework.
Aiden attended a tiny school which consisted of only eleven pupils all ages were crammed into one class. Despite these disadvantages Aiden turned out to be a greatly intellectual student. He excelled in all academic subjects especially English which was his favorite. He always dreamed of visiting other nations of the British Empire.
When aiden reached the age of ten his father began to teach him the art of being a good hunter and how to fire a rifle accurately. This proved to be another skill of his and he soon began helping his father with his work.
At the the age of eighteen and was ready to leave school. He chose to travel to Britain where he could receive a better education. Aiden soon achieved a scholarship and attended Cambridge university. He continued to perform well in school and decided he become a lawyer.
One day when Aiden was passed by a Military convoy an idea that seemed so obvious came to him. If he wanted to see the Commonwealth the army was the occupation for him. Aiden left the University and enlisted as a Lieutenant. He joined the Anglo-Indian army and was tasked with leading a company of Indian recruits.
He was soon drafted to India where he fought valiantly and proved to be an accomplished commander. He won a military medal for successfully fighting off a rebellion in Deli and saving the life of his Commanding Officer.
With the outbreak of the Second World war Jacka was transfered to the Argylls of Canada division. He played a major role in many operations and soon rose to the rank of Captain.
He led his company bravely against a well dug in enemy at Juno beach on D-Day. Despite being severely wounded Aiden pushed on and his courage inspired many of his men to great feats of bravery.
Jacka later saw action in Villers Bocage. His final action was fought at mount Ormel where Canadian infantry and Polish tank crews desperately held their ground against overwhelming odds.
Military Rank!
Lieutenant
Writing Sample
Aiden regained consciousness. He coughed like an old smoker and his chest heaved trying desperately to take in more air. His body was littered with small scars and bruises making him look like a living corpse. He slowly peered out from the shell hole, his weak eyes scanned the area for signs of life, but there was nothing. No movement only the huge clouds of dust that glided along the barren wasteland. The corpses of his comrades littered the ground before him their bodies cut to pieces by the fury of the explosion. He sighted the crumbling ruins where once a great city stood, completely deserted. The mud beneath him was wet and slippery and had been stained black by the ash that fell from the sky. Aiden could see the sun setting on the horizon and the light was fading fast.
Aiden noticed his commander lying limply beside him. He crawled over at a painfully slow speed, every muscle in his body ached like they had never ached before. A waterfall of blood cascaded down from his right leg. He stopped to examine the wound. Aiden looked down to the wound a piece shrapnel lay embedded in the skin. He lacked sufficient medical knowledge to correctly extract the shrapnel so he pulled at the shrapnel with all his strength only to add to the injury. More red liquid spurted out of the gaping hole in his flesh.
Aiden quickly ripped off two thin strips of his uniform and tied them tightly around the wound in his leg. As he did this he grunted loudly and whimpered a little. He continued on his way over to where his commanding officer lay.
“Major” he whispered, there was a long awkward silence before the body’s eye suddenly opened.
“Captain. I have failed. My men are dead and I am finished. Kill me Aiden. Kill me replied the Major weakly, he coughed loudly due to his lungs being choked by the dense smoke.
Aiden looked down at the shattered man, his lower half lay buried in mud meters away and he was obviously in immense pain. His right eye was no more. In its place there was a bloody hole. Aiden decided death was best for him. He glanced to his side where his rifle rested but it had been snapped in half like a mere twig. He reached into the Captains holster and withdrew a Webley Revolver. Aiden drew back the firing hammer and hesitated. He suddenly pulled the trigger ending the man’s life.
A tear rolled down Aiden’s cheek knowing he would never see his friend again. A great man had died on that field, that day. Aiden promised himself he would return to give his comrades the proper burial they deserved.