Post by Rury on May 7, 2009 15:14:01 GMT
Accepted;
You've made quite a few spelling mistakes and used fullstops in places where commas could easily compensate, but you're not asking for much (rank wise) and the length of your 'writing scenario' is good.
So welcome to the forum!
Be sure to check out our Beginner's Area and should you require any questions to be answered, don't hesitate to contact our support staff or general members of staff on the matter.
~Danny
Account E-Mail: had191@hotmail.com
Name: Edrien Bruus
Nationality:
German
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
Nazi/German Army
Character History:
Edrien grew up in a tough, Nazi following family called the Bruus family. He grew up with five brothers, in which he himself was the youngest of all five. He was taught how to be a man starting at the age of five, but he himself just wanted to be normal just like any other boy his age. His father hated the fact that he was a sissy when he was young, and he loved the fact that Edrien's brothers were all tougher and stronger than him. His mother loved him ever so tenderly until both his parents broke apart in a fight, where his father ended up killing his mother. Edrien was very heartbroken at that time, but by then, he promised himself to be cold and cruel, tough and strong to make his family feel proud.
His father still kept his cold glare on Edrien. At the age of fifeen, Edrien's house was overtaken by a group of army officials, in which they killed most of his family, one brother remained. A few years later, after living alone, since his brother had left him empty handed, Edrien learned the brutal ways and joined the Nazi army at the age of eighteen. He was Roman Catholic, and he began to dislike all Jewish people.
He began having a strong liking to brothel girls, he began becoming quite a pervert. He was always a pervert when he was younger anyways.
Military Rank:
- Private - or you can just give me one, please.
So please choose wisely, use the following links to help you choose.
Nazi/German Military Ranks!
Writing Sample:
Bombs. Bombs were crashing everywhere. The stinging sound burnt his ears with fright. He was still too young for war, early twenties. He felt as if he were still a cadet back in the early days where he was being trained, fully armed, safety. No. Now he was in war, he wasn't fully armed at all. He felt as if he were at death point. He thought of his father, no Edrien couldn't now. He couldn't stop ever. He was trapped and there was no way he could get away. He felt like a rat trapped in a cage. He wasn't going to give up on himself, those filthy idiots weren't going to take him ever, alive or dead.
For some strange reason, he felt as if somebody was watching his body from behind the barracks somewhere aiming a rifle at Edrien. Oh, it must've been his conscience. He drew out his rifle and placed it down on the ground near him, fully arming himself now. He glanced down at a dead body of a soldier that lay down on the dirt, there were clashes of cuts all over the soldier and he looked pale white.
It was cold weather, very cold to be honest. It rained a couple of times thay day. None the less, Edrien was used to it. He was also used to the cold hail and snowy flakes that fell from the sky every once in a while. Tired, he leaned himself against the dirty cliffhanger behind his body. He was alone. He knew this sort of time would come sometime. Here he was. here he was, sitting alone, all by himself, holding his rifle high, awaiting for a command or a flee. Nothing happened, but yet he could hear bullets hitting one's chest. That dirty sound made his wince, twitch and just close his eyes. It was just plain disgust to him.
Edrien had to be strong, if he was shot, he would've shot for a good reason. He fought for his country. He fought for his own rights. Germany was his country. His homeland. His life. And if he let it down, he had let it down for a good cause. Heil Hitler. He repeated the yell in his mind. It was a strong saying. A saying of trust and strength.
He will not lose. He still kept a note in mind that somebody was watching him. He glanced to his side. Nobody. He glanced to his other side, there it was. A rifle to his head. Maybe it was just his imagination? Maybe. He closed his eyes and awaited for his upcoming death of truth and savoury.
You've made quite a few spelling mistakes and used fullstops in places where commas could easily compensate, but you're not asking for much (rank wise) and the length of your 'writing scenario' is good.
So welcome to the forum!
Be sure to check out our Beginner's Area and should you require any questions to be answered, don't hesitate to contact our support staff or general members of staff on the matter.
~Danny
Account E-Mail: had191@hotmail.com
Name: Edrien Bruus
Nationality:
German
What Army will Your Character Serve Beneath?
Nazi/German Army
Character History:
Edrien grew up in a tough, Nazi following family called the Bruus family. He grew up with five brothers, in which he himself was the youngest of all five. He was taught how to be a man starting at the age of five, but he himself just wanted to be normal just like any other boy his age. His father hated the fact that he was a sissy when he was young, and he loved the fact that Edrien's brothers were all tougher and stronger than him. His mother loved him ever so tenderly until both his parents broke apart in a fight, where his father ended up killing his mother. Edrien was very heartbroken at that time, but by then, he promised himself to be cold and cruel, tough and strong to make his family feel proud.
His father still kept his cold glare on Edrien. At the age of fifeen, Edrien's house was overtaken by a group of army officials, in which they killed most of his family, one brother remained. A few years later, after living alone, since his brother had left him empty handed, Edrien learned the brutal ways and joined the Nazi army at the age of eighteen. He was Roman Catholic, and he began to dislike all Jewish people.
He began having a strong liking to brothel girls, he began becoming quite a pervert. He was always a pervert when he was younger anyways.
Military Rank:
- Private - or you can just give me one, please.
So please choose wisely, use the following links to help you choose.
Nazi/German Military Ranks!
Writing Sample:
Bombs. Bombs were crashing everywhere. The stinging sound burnt his ears with fright. He was still too young for war, early twenties. He felt as if he were still a cadet back in the early days where he was being trained, fully armed, safety. No. Now he was in war, he wasn't fully armed at all. He felt as if he were at death point. He thought of his father, no Edrien couldn't now. He couldn't stop ever. He was trapped and there was no way he could get away. He felt like a rat trapped in a cage. He wasn't going to give up on himself, those filthy idiots weren't going to take him ever, alive or dead.
For some strange reason, he felt as if somebody was watching his body from behind the barracks somewhere aiming a rifle at Edrien. Oh, it must've been his conscience. He drew out his rifle and placed it down on the ground near him, fully arming himself now. He glanced down at a dead body of a soldier that lay down on the dirt, there were clashes of cuts all over the soldier and he looked pale white.
It was cold weather, very cold to be honest. It rained a couple of times thay day. None the less, Edrien was used to it. He was also used to the cold hail and snowy flakes that fell from the sky every once in a while. Tired, he leaned himself against the dirty cliffhanger behind his body. He was alone. He knew this sort of time would come sometime. Here he was. here he was, sitting alone, all by himself, holding his rifle high, awaiting for a command or a flee. Nothing happened, but yet he could hear bullets hitting one's chest. That dirty sound made his wince, twitch and just close his eyes. It was just plain disgust to him.
Edrien had to be strong, if he was shot, he would've shot for a good reason. He fought for his country. He fought for his own rights. Germany was his country. His homeland. His life. And if he let it down, he had let it down for a good cause. Heil Hitler. He repeated the yell in his mind. It was a strong saying. A saying of trust and strength.
He will not lose. He still kept a note in mind that somebody was watching him. He glanced to his side. Nobody. He glanced to his other side, there it was. A rifle to his head. Maybe it was just his imagination? Maybe. He closed his eyes and awaited for his upcoming death of truth and savoury.