Post by Andrew on Dec 30, 2007 7:15:45 GMT
Accepted, Welcome to the Board!
Great Application, enjoyed reading it - You even assigned for the highest rank i'd give to new-comers, which is daring off ya'
Either way, i don't see no major flaws to your writing (quite Intriguing to read) so you've successfully made the Rank, Captain.
~Danny
Account E-Mail: Edited Out!
Name: Carson Peterson
Nationality: American
Army: US
Character History:
Carson was born to a rather nice family. His father was well educated and made enough money to ensure that his son also got a good education. His mother was one of the few educated women of the day and was able to help her son learn as he grew.
Carson was the kind of child that wanted to know everything. He often asked everyone everything he possibly could. If he saw something he didn't know about he would start with asking about it. After that he would find every resource he could find to learn more and more until he understood the subject as completely as possible.
Carson had always had a gift for thought. From the time he turned three he was able to remember complex information with amazing accuracy. This amazed everyone around him as he learned at incredible speeds and was smarter than your average second grader by the time he entered kindergarten.
As he grew he continued to learn and understand. By the time he was a senior in high school he was smarter than most collage graduates. However, his real calling though was strategy. He was easily able to think his way out of any situation and move ten steps ahead of everyone else. He was especially good at chess.
He was also a good athlete. He was the fastest swimmer in his state, and a skilled tennis player. In essence, he was good at all of the lesser sports. He was very lean and didn't way very much, so he wasn't very good at football, and he didn't like basketball or baseball.
At the age of eighteen Carson was drafted into the military and was sent into boot camp. His months in boot camp were rough and grueling, but he made it through. He worked on a military base for about a year before the war started and he was sent into the front lines. It was because of his intellect and cunning that he was able to excel on the battle field. He quickly was able to prove himself and rise in rank to become a captain.
Military Rank: Captain
Writing Sample:
Scenario: You’re alone behind enemy lines and you get the eerie feeling someone’s watching you. You’re trying to remain quiet, stay low, work your way back to the front lines - but you can’t help but feel you’re being followed… (How does your character React? What’s running through their mind?)
It was dark; Dark and quiet. Carson ran through the bushes quickly and quietly, crouching low as to not be seen. He glanced over his shoulder a couple times as he ran. Sweat dripped down his face and his pack felt heavy on his back. He finally came to a stop, crawling under a bush.
He breathed heavily, but strained to keep his gasps silent. He listened to the night. He strained to hear everything he could. He tried not to let anything escape his ear. He could here crickets and other insects chirping. He could make out a few small animals scurrying about in the darkness. Then, his heartbeat, a slow, steady thumping that was constant and unchanging.
Still, he could feel the eyes staring at him, watching him from some unseen location. He could feel them boring into him like drills. He was hot, tired, and riddled with fatigue. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take, but still he remained calm and tried to think through his situation.
Slowly he gathered his thoughts and reached into his pocket, keeping his rifle ready, and pulled out his compass. He looked at it for a few seconds before replacing it back in his pocket. He took one last look around his surroundings before gripping his rifle with both hands and leaving the cover of the small bush he was hiding in.
He ran, crouched down, toward the west. He ran quickly through the shadows before coming to a small clearing. Rather than enter the clearing he took cover in a small thicket and waited a few more seconds.
The clearing was small, but it would still leave him wide open and without cover if he ran out into it. He didn't want to take that chance, but he knew he wasn't far from getting out of enemy territory and just on the other side of this clearing was his way home. On his back he felt a warmth begin to move over him. He looked back, over his shoulder, for a second to see the sun starting to rise.
He, at last, made his decision and slowly began to make his way around the clearing. He went from cover to cover, watching to see the movement of an enemy solder, or to hear the rustling of foot steps in the brush. Finally, he was on the other side and moved even more stealthily toward the edge of the wood. What would happen. What would be awaiting him at this end. Would he make it? He didn't know. His thoughts raced as he tried to make it back home.
Great Application, enjoyed reading it - You even assigned for the highest rank i'd give to new-comers, which is daring off ya'
Either way, i don't see no major flaws to your writing (quite Intriguing to read) so you've successfully made the Rank, Captain.
~Danny
Account E-Mail: Edited Out!
Name: Carson Peterson
Nationality: American
Army: US
Character History:
Carson was born to a rather nice family. His father was well educated and made enough money to ensure that his son also got a good education. His mother was one of the few educated women of the day and was able to help her son learn as he grew.
Carson was the kind of child that wanted to know everything. He often asked everyone everything he possibly could. If he saw something he didn't know about he would start with asking about it. After that he would find every resource he could find to learn more and more until he understood the subject as completely as possible.
Carson had always had a gift for thought. From the time he turned three he was able to remember complex information with amazing accuracy. This amazed everyone around him as he learned at incredible speeds and was smarter than your average second grader by the time he entered kindergarten.
As he grew he continued to learn and understand. By the time he was a senior in high school he was smarter than most collage graduates. However, his real calling though was strategy. He was easily able to think his way out of any situation and move ten steps ahead of everyone else. He was especially good at chess.
He was also a good athlete. He was the fastest swimmer in his state, and a skilled tennis player. In essence, he was good at all of the lesser sports. He was very lean and didn't way very much, so he wasn't very good at football, and he didn't like basketball or baseball.
At the age of eighteen Carson was drafted into the military and was sent into boot camp. His months in boot camp were rough and grueling, but he made it through. He worked on a military base for about a year before the war started and he was sent into the front lines. It was because of his intellect and cunning that he was able to excel on the battle field. He quickly was able to prove himself and rise in rank to become a captain.
Military Rank: Captain
Writing Sample:
Scenario: You’re alone behind enemy lines and you get the eerie feeling someone’s watching you. You’re trying to remain quiet, stay low, work your way back to the front lines - but you can’t help but feel you’re being followed… (How does your character React? What’s running through their mind?)
It was dark; Dark and quiet. Carson ran through the bushes quickly and quietly, crouching low as to not be seen. He glanced over his shoulder a couple times as he ran. Sweat dripped down his face and his pack felt heavy on his back. He finally came to a stop, crawling under a bush.
He breathed heavily, but strained to keep his gasps silent. He listened to the night. He strained to hear everything he could. He tried not to let anything escape his ear. He could here crickets and other insects chirping. He could make out a few small animals scurrying about in the darkness. Then, his heartbeat, a slow, steady thumping that was constant and unchanging.
Still, he could feel the eyes staring at him, watching him from some unseen location. He could feel them boring into him like drills. He was hot, tired, and riddled with fatigue. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take, but still he remained calm and tried to think through his situation.
Slowly he gathered his thoughts and reached into his pocket, keeping his rifle ready, and pulled out his compass. He looked at it for a few seconds before replacing it back in his pocket. He took one last look around his surroundings before gripping his rifle with both hands and leaving the cover of the small bush he was hiding in.
He ran, crouched down, toward the west. He ran quickly through the shadows before coming to a small clearing. Rather than enter the clearing he took cover in a small thicket and waited a few more seconds.
The clearing was small, but it would still leave him wide open and without cover if he ran out into it. He didn't want to take that chance, but he knew he wasn't far from getting out of enemy territory and just on the other side of this clearing was his way home. On his back he felt a warmth begin to move over him. He looked back, over his shoulder, for a second to see the sun starting to rise.
He, at last, made his decision and slowly began to make his way around the clearing. He went from cover to cover, watching to see the movement of an enemy solder, or to hear the rustling of foot steps in the brush. Finally, he was on the other side and moved even more stealthily toward the edge of the wood. What would happen. What would be awaiting him at this end. Would he make it? He didn't know. His thoughts raced as he tried to make it back home.